Thursday, April 9, 2009

God Showed Me Myself and It Wasn’t Pretty

John 13:36-38

This fast has been great and it’s been painful.  Of course, missing out on the food I love has been a challenge, but more painful has been how God has showed me myself during the fast.  I’ve seen many things about myself that I just did not like.  All that ain’t your business, but I’ll share one thing:

I was hyper-critical and used to make very caustic and harsh comments about things done wrong and the people who committed the errors.  I had great fun with this, I thought.  Friends and family and others who just kinda know me, know that if some blunder occurred at some event that they could catch my eye and I would be right there with the right expression to show horror, dismay or disbelief.  I can catch an error!  There is a lot wrong with this...

I had allowed my eyes and my ears to become attuned to mistakes and mishaps.  I looked for what was wrong rather than what was right.  This hurt me and denied me inspiration and enjoyment and information I could have had.  It also has served to make me known for catching the wrong stuff.  Eeeeesh!

Honestly, the most painful part of realizing this about myself is knowing that it really is all about my insecurities, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of ignorance… FEAR PERIOD!  Focusing on the wrong someone else does is really just to occupy your time so you won’t have to think about your own mess. 

Now, I am focusing on the good.  And there is a LOT to focus on.  I want to be known for praise instead of criticism.

Peter had an image of himself that was not true.  But God mercifully allowed the man who denied Jesus to live into the calling of Jesus Christ and preach the first Pentecost Sermon. 

Seeing self in this fast in an act of God’s mercy.  Through the blood of Jesus, we have the opportunity to outlive the not-so-pretty parts of ourselves and then to live into Jesus’ calling on our lives.

Roderick Belin of Nashville, Tennessee

NOTE: Holy Saturday is a day for quiet reflection, prayer and preparation for Resurrection Sunday.  As such, there will be no devotional reading tomorrow.  Let us continue to pray together for the power of His Resurrection to be renewed in us.  There will readings on Resurrection Sunday. 


  1. This was refreshingly transparent. I think many of us can see ourselves through your lenses and through your life. Thanks for being vulnerable.

    Grace & Peace!

    Johnathan Alvarado

  2. Wow! I have been running through my mind about being in fear! It has ran my life and now I am pulling away from it. Thank you for entry.

  3. What a powerful witness. I see myself in your testimony. We ask God to show us ourselves, and He faithfully does. Then, with His infinite wisdom and grace, He teaches us how to be more like Jesus ...and loves us through our transforming change. Thank you soon much for sharing. Praise God I am still a work in progress! He's not done with me, yet!!

  4. Thank you for your testimony. I can see myself in what you wrote. It is amazing how accustomed we become to doing something and in our minds it is right. You have pointed out that there are better things to concentrate on and with Gods help, I will start heading in that direction. God bless!

  5. Powerful testimony, thanks for leading us to this very vulnerable place where Jesus can come and take our fears away.
    I look forward to the revelations in the absence of fear....

    So, have you started the Pentecost Devotions yet? facebook pastor